The Blog interviews Shivery the Incorrigible Snowman

With Shivery the Incorrigible Snowman making an appearance in Townston, we decided now would be the best time to give him a chance to say what he really thinks about life, existence and... stuff... before he gets corrupted by all the Dungeon Runners.

The Blog: Why are you called Shivery?

Shivery: Starting out with the soft questions, eh? Good, because I just woke up! First things first, my name is not really Shivery the Incorrigible Snowman, that's just what people call me. My real name is Chet. Chet Tliyelidr. Tliyelidr is Eskimo for snow that has been marked by Dungeon Runners. As far as why they call me Shivery, well, I think it is because I have a special ability to send a chill of sadness and depression down the spine of anyone in high spirits or that has a smile on their face. Now that's a real people skill.

The Blog: I think so too! So... what are you doing here in Townston?

Shivery: I came here because the quest market is thawing out where I am from. I needed to find more quest work to help support my family that lives in another city, and I just got a flat tire, and I have a quest interview that I can't get to... Can I borrow a couple King's Coin? Wow, are you actually writing that down? Do you really think that is why I'm here? Where did they find a gem like you? Let me guess, fresh out of Blog Correspondence School? Write this down; if I ever use the words family and/or work when talking about myself, shoot me... no wait, shoot yourself instead! Okay, the real reason I'm here is because a bunch of snow monsters invaded my home, imprisoned my posse, and then they kicked me out because "I was depressing to be around." Gosh, what a horrible thing to say!

The Blog: I'm starting to get a little depressed myself. How come you're so incorrigible anyway?

Shivery: Before I answer that, I want to ask you something. Why do you ask such stupid questions?

The Blog: Uhh...

Shivery: Is it because your brain is the size of a lump of coal or did you just cast Stupid Strength on yourself? Can't you think of something infinitely more interesting, like "Who's your Daddy?" or "What makes me better than you?" I can think of a million more interesting questions than "Hey, Shivery, why are you so darn incorrigible?" Where should I start? How about... we're all going to die! That's a good one. I have no idea who my parents are! My first memory is standing in the middle of a frozen wasteland with no one in sight. Maybe if you had been abandoned you would understand, but judging from that vacant bored look in your eyes, you don't. Thanks for pretending to care, though. Possibly the biggest reason for my incorrigible behavior is that I was kicked out of cosmetology school. I guess the world isn't ready for the charcoal eyes and carrot nose look. I hope you have a big brother so you can get beat up at home for asking me such a stupid question.

The Blog: You're not here forever are you? You will be going away eventually??

Shivery: I'm made of snow, chucklehead. What do you think? The later in the season it gets, the closer I am to death. You know, during this little Q&A session we've been having I think half of my brain melted away, so my responses are going to get a little monkey shoelace fizz rock, it is the FIZZ ROCK that wind apple Rosenbaum. Seriously though, it is only a matter of time before I get asked to move on by the King's Board of Trustees. No one likes to be reminded of an NPC going through tough times. Here in Townston it's all rainbows and respawns. Gosh forbid that a down-on-their-luck NPC hang around and ask for some help!

The Blog: What's the deal with this snow monster thing you need help with?

Shivery: Oh, you mean THE Snow Monster? He's a real jerk! His idea of fun is to gather up a couple poor snowmen and make them do horribly unspeakable things to each other. You have to see it to believe it! The snow monster also has a couple Wargs that follow him around and their idea of fun is to mark every snowman in sight. Really, my hope is that some brave and compassionate Dungeon Runner exists out there that can help me to rid my home of the snow monsters so I can return. What's that? There are no brave and compassionate Dungeon Runners? You think I don't know that? I said I hoped there was one. Why do you have to crush my dreams? Is it just to see me shrink even lower into my pit of fear and loathing? Well screw you! I am melting not shrinking! Ha!

The Blog: Are you familiar with other snowmen? Do you know Chill Bill (soon to be everyone's favorite pet snowman)?

Shivery: Sorry, Chill Bill? You mean Sellout Bill. Yeah, the other snowmen and I call him Sellout Bill. Working for the man and all that, that's really something we look down on as a proud race of frozen water-based people. We have our pride! Look, Chill Bill, he's a nice guy, but to be at the beck and call of a Dungeon Runner is weak-sauce. He always was a fighter though, so maybe this is a perfect fit for him. I hear he's actually pretty tough, so maybe he isn't giving snowmen such a bad name after all. If you see him, tell him Chet said "Hi" and that he still owes me twenty King's Coin from that road trip we took to Algor's Terror-Dome.

The Blog: Well look at that, we're out of time. Do you have any last words of advice for the Dungeon Runners out there?

Shivery: Who cares? Like anyone is going to listen to me... Oh, I'm being given the "Answer this question or deal with PR" routine so I better think of something. Okay, kids, if you are going to build a snowman, don't skimp on the quality. Use only the best charcoal and carrots! Nothing gives snowmen a poor sense of self-esteem and self-worth more than two lumps of asphalt for eyes and a half rotten carrot for a nose. I mean, come on, a rotten carrot for a nose?! What, you don't think we can smell that? It is our nose, for crying in the snow! Plus remember kids, go buy organic, and if your parents won't let you, you can always steal or worse, cry. Oh, and check your snowballs often for lumps, cancer kills ya know! And last but most assuredly not least, watch out where the Huskies go and don't you eat that yellow snow!

The Blog: Thanks for the warning.